Guest Bloggers

I’d love to hear from everyone. Tell me your stories about dating. Your relationship advice/concerns. Share with the rest of us. Email me at otherfishlandlocked@gmail.com if you have something to share.

Loser #…I’ve lost count!

Goodness….I have all the luck!!

Saturday I had a date…as usual.  And everything was great until the drinks came.  Yeah, I know…that quickly!  (Oh and sidebar… I have a glass of wine for the first time in MONTHS….and this is how my evening goes.)

So all is well….he’s cute, tall, compliments me, opens doors, let’s me order first etc.  Somehow we get onto a few hot buttons and I find that he’s not just an atheist, but he doesn’t beleive in Karma.  No “what goes around, comes around.”  No “oh well, he’ll get his.”  No nothing. 

He thinks “that Love is an illusion.”  That “an eye for an eye is acceptable.” 

He tried to explain to me that having faith in something that you can’t put your hands on made you weak.  He said and I’ll quote it exactly, “When you have Faith in something like God or you beleive in Karma you are limiting yourself.  You are putting yourself into a box.  You don’t allow yourself to experience your life the way that it should be.  When you don’t have lines around you you get to live your life the way that you want to.”

Okay…..so I have a few thoughts. 

1. If you are going to do online dating, your atheism should be stated.  Or at least when you are gonna start talking to someone that clearly states that they have a strong faith that you disclose that. 

2.  Why?!?!?  Why do I keep meeting these losers??? 

3. I’m not weak…but ANY means!  I am a strong woman.  I’ve had a lifetime worth of stories and experiences.  And my faith makes me stronger. 

4. Your lack of acknowledgement that there is a reason for everything, that there is a plan in place, that though you have will power, there is still a fate to be fulfilled is a lonely life to live. 

5.  My box isn’t limiting.  At all!  You are limiting yourself to not experiencing a life of forgiveness, peace and grace. Oh and….the whole “I’m one to do the opposite of what everyone else does.”  Is a horrible reason to have a lack of all of the above.  You are just a scared little boy.  The End!

I’m going to take a break from the dating world.  I’ve got far too much going on right now to put up with all of this bull!  I have hope that my fishy is out there….right now is just not the time. 

For now, I’ll be sharing the stories of my friends that are dating.  And I’ll continue to share relationship advice and information.

Should you have a requested topic, don’t hesitate to let me know!

Keep Fishing…MRC

Stop Obsessing Over Your Ex

We are no longer limited by the methods that we can stalk our ex’s.  We’ve got FaceBook, Twitter, Email, Cell Phones, Friends from the gym, Friends from work, Friends of Friends and of course the classic drive by. 

Yes…this is all very extreme but there are people out there that are doing this.  But really…..does it help to stalk them?  Does is make you feel better when you find out that they are moving on and you haven’t? 

When you have broken up with someone (whether you choose to break up or are the victim of the break up) it’s often a big adjustment to remove them from you daily routine.  I’ve highlighted a few tips and tricks for how to move on and stop obsessing about your ex.

#1 – 30 Minute Rule.  If you find yourself wanting to call, text, email, fb message, bbm message, or stop by etc hold that thought.  Find something else to do for 30 minutes.  Use the break up as an excuse to exercise more and go for a run.  Fold laundry, read a book, sort your stationery collection.  Chances are that at the end of your “Ex Time Out” you will be less inclined to contact them.  It’s very likely that you have the urge to contact them simply out of boredom.  It’s like when you are dieting….if you are thinking about food (the ex in this case) than draw your attention away from it; drink lots of water, etc.  Something far more productive that stabbing another knife into your heart.

#2 – Know your triggers…..Facebook!  If you have a FB page and you’ve got an ex than you know exactly what I’m talking about.  For the sake of your sanity, STOP looking at his page.  In fact, why not remove him from your friend list completely?  Most people have their Wall private and therefore you wouldn’t be able to see what’s going on in his world unless you were to friend him again.  And that would take a bit of pride that you may not have yet.  Save yourself the tears while sitting at your desk.  Remove him.  Granted, there are other triggers.  For example, if you are saving for a big purchase or are just plain broke…don’t go to the mall!  Avoid what depresses you if at all possible.  There is no shame in knowing that you have a weakness for something that reminds you of your ex.  Gain some strength and try it out again later.  For now….remove him from your FaceBook page.

#3 – Dial a Sponsor.  In this sense, a sponsor is somewhat of the reverse.  You aren’t looking for the best listener.  You are looking for the best talker!  If you find a “sponsor” that just listens you are more likely to continue venting and thinking about your ex.  Really you should be thinking about and talking about other things.  Good old fashioned girl stuff!  Call her up and let her do the talking.  Set up a date to do something out in public that does not involve just coffee and chatter.  Do something active.  Something with lots of distractions.  The chatter box with you should help you to turn your focus onto the funny things that the manicurist is probably saying. 

#4 – List it out!  Not a pro’s and con’s list.  Only the con’s.  List out all of the reasons why you are better off without your ex.  They smelled, they smoked, they didn’t support your dreams, they are a cheater, etc.  Keep this list for yourself somewhere that you can refer to it if your Sponsor isn’t available.  Remind yourself of all the awful things from your relationship and how much you are better off without that person.

You are strong!  You can rise above that ex.  Don’t obsess…move on!!

Keep Fishing…MRC

This has been a paraphrased version (with my own thoughts) of a Yahoo.com article of a similar name.

Dating speed traps

You’re cruising down the road, windows down, music blasting without a care in the world.  Everything in that moment  is perfect!

You hadn’t even noticed that there was a cop; sitting and waiting to catch you dead in your tracks.  There to ruin your day.  You didn’t see him coming.  But then…bam!  He’s there.  Sirens and Lights.  And now…you are the victim of a speed trap.  If you’d paid attention than you would have seen him sitting there.  You could have prepared for it, gone a different way or even just slowed down.

When you first start dating someone everything is great!  The conversation flows, the flirting is easy, the butterflies are a-fluttering.  You move past the dating stage to an exclusive relationship fairly quickly.  You exchange the “I Love You”s and the apartment keys are swapped.  Next thing you know it’s only been a little bit of time (let’s say just a couple months) and you are already talking about the future.  Heck, you’ve practically moved in together!  And then…bam!!

Just like that!  You find that he doesn’t want kids, or has one, or doesn’t want to get married or has been, or doesn’t want to live in this city when his residency is over.  (All men are doctors in my stories! )

Any of these examples could stop you dead in your tracks.  How do did you not know this before?

When you speed through the “getting to know each other” stage you aren’t able to actually get to know each other.

If you go back in time (in my trusty little time machine!) you’ll find that relationships were far different.  The evolution of the relationship has changed drastically!

— This sounds like a great topic —

Mates were chosen for each other by family members.  It was about what was a suitable and often profitable move for the family.  The pool of available mates was much smaller.  You were expected to marry into the same class, the same level of pedigree.  There was no “cross pollination.”  Women were expected to want what their husbands wanted.  To provide children no matter there personal thoughts on a million kids.  They didn’t move around the country.  And then you were stuck!  Divorce was VERY rare and highly frowned upon.  If you were to get divorced, you didn’t remarry.  You were done.  Your time had passed.

So now…back in 2011, we spend so much time and effort searching for “the one.”  We date for (often times) years before finding someone of substance.  And once you find that someone you don’t want to let go.  You want to skip right to where you always thought you’d be at 30.  But when you do that…you go too fast through the speed trap.  You don’t spend time getting to know them.  We see these romantic-comedy characters spot each other from across a party and they have an amazing few dates, there is a bomb dropped on their relationship and then they are fine, completely happy.  It’s the movies people!!    It’s not that easy, it’s not all romance and funny one liners.

If you slow down a little, take the time to get to know each other and not rush you may find that you’ve built a more solid foundation than if you had rushed.  If your foundation is shaking, everything built on it will crumble.  It’s only a matter of time.

Speeding is romantic.  It’s fun!  But will it last?  Will slowing down harm things? Will you feel anything less for that person?  NO.  In fact, you could feel more!

Save yourself the ticket money!  Slow down and enjoy the getting to know each other.

Keep fishing…MRC

Repeats

Pop Quiz!!!

True or False….There is comfort in the known. Duh!

True or False….There is fear in the unknown. Double Duh!!

Let me start by explaining why the “Duh” and “Double Duh” are thoughts that most readers would be responding with.

So first, the comfort of the known…When someone is looking to be in a relationship, one of the things that they are craving is comfort. That someone knowing you, knowing what you like, dislike, want out of life, etc. There is a piece of that comfort that is also physical. There is no getting to know each other in that way. It is simply put, easier.

Now to the fear of the unknown…When we are kids, we are afraid of the dark, what’s under the bed and what’s hiding in the closet. Heck, some adults are still afraid of these examples. It’s not actually the fear of the dark nor the Boogey Man. It’s the not knowing part that freaks us out!

In the terms of a relationship…It’s easier and more comfortable to date and go back to someone that you’ve already dated in the past. BUT….and it’s a very big butt! I mean …. okay back to the subject at hand. There are reasons why you are no longer with that person. Those reasons haven’t changed. Should you “try it again” with that person, the same issue will likely be what causes a break up again. And you’ll probably say to yourself (or directly to the ex) “I should have known!!” Hearing yourself say “I told you so!” to yourself…sucks!!

To avoid talking to yourself I suggest that you take a cold, hard look in the mirror reflection on your lipstick case. Remember the tears cried. Remember how a broken heart feels like. Remember the under eye circles and the many hung over mornings after many-a tasty beverages to drown the pain of the heart break.

Is it worth it? Are you better with the ex….or without?

You are better off without them!!

Keep fishing…MRC

Update – Fishy #3 – The distance between

Exactly 1 year ago today these two fishy’s started their story.  The two have continued to grow into something more.  The boy fishy has been brought back to the same set of lakes as is home, but not home yet.  Soon though…in 5 months the fishy’s work obligation will be done and he’ll return home to the fishy that he’s grown to care so much for. 

The boy fishy has invited the girl fishy to see the lake he’s living and working in before his term is up there.  And she’s thrilled with the idea of finally meeting.  It’s so silly how these two have talked, shared, communicated and still have yet to set eyes on each other. 

For now, they both share with each other what’s going on in their lives, the fishy adventures that they’ve had and express how much they can’t wait to see each other. 

More to come on this fishy love story!

Keep fishing…MRC

What a week…

So this week has been eventful!!

Sunday – Recovering from the disaster that was Saturday night and my midnight drunk dial.

Monday – I had a great day at work, followed by a great workout, followed by….a bad date.  This poor guy just wasn’t going to get anywhere with me.  And that was that.

Tuesday – Nothing really dating wise….but experienced an earthquake….on the east coast!!  Bizarre and scary…I was the second floor of my office.  Very weird!

Wednesday – Started thinking that my weekend dates weren’t gonna happen.  With a hurricane on its way and it looking worse as each hour passed….I had to contemplate canceling. 

Thursday – Had a coffee date scheduled but with everyone prepping for the hurricane we canceled. 

Friday – The hurricane’s forecast wasn’t looking so great so I decided to cancel my Saturday afternoon date…:(  Made a smart move though and decided to run home to mommy that evening instead of waiting till the next day.

Saturday – Smart move as I woke up to downpours and wind from 1 AM through Saturday night around 11 PM.  A very long and boring day!  Good news is that we didn’t lose power until about 9:30 PM.

Sunday – Woke to HUMID conditions but beautiful outside!!  Blue skies, a pleasant breeze and birds chirping.  It was so nice to sit outside and read a book.

The plan for this week….work, the gym and no dates planned thus far.  That’s okay though.  I’m patient.  The best ones are worth waiting for!

Keep fishing…MRC

Eeny, Meeny, Miny, NO

A new week = A new set of potentials. 

Today was Fishie #…I don’t even know.

Let’s call him Techie.  So Techie is nice.  Not overly nice or overly sweet…just nice.  He’s not horribly unattractive.  But not attractive (to me). He’s got a strong faith…yeah.  But he’s never had a relationship that lasted through an entire quarter…..that’s a problem.  Where’s the longevity, commitment, and what the heck happened so many times that you can’t make it past a 3 month period of time.

Anyways, I think I may actually feel bad about this one.  He’s so nice and harmless…but I feel nothing…..like NOTHING.

Is it me?  Why can’t I feel?  Or is it just what I find?  And if it’s just what I find….why doesn’t anything good find me?

On a positive note…I’ve got coffee plans for Thursday.  Stick around for more!

Looking for an advice topic by request…let me know what you want to hear about!

Keep fishing…MRC

Saturday oh Saturday

My evening was going to include some putt putt with a new guy.  He was kind enough to inform me that he and someone else that he was seeing were going to the do the exclusive bf/gf thing.  Congrats…thanks for communicating before I got ready.  Not so bad.

I decided to take the opportunity for some much needed Margaritas with a girlfriend.  Wonderful time as always!!

Then scheduled an impromptu meeting at a local coffee shop.  Sounded half way promising….until (this may sound mean and vain…but when you put it all together you’ll understand!)  He directed me to the wrong location and then suggested that I come to him.  I was thirsty so I went.  He had a polo shirt (that was a little too tight) tucked into Carpenter Jeans!  I’m not a fashion guru by any means!  But I’m pretty sure those went out of style awhile ago!  He didn’t open the door for me.  Had horrible eye contact meaning none!  Couldn’t tell you what color his eyes were.  I looked like a boxer bobbing and weaving to see his face. Initiated no conversation.  He told me that he’s boring!!  He hates planning anything….like NOTHING.  Hates baby showers.  Didn’t know where Minnesota is.  Didn’t know what preservatives were.  Has too many projects on his house going at one time and hasn’t finished one and excuses that behavior because “it runs in my family.” Didn’t know what non-denominational means.  I’m pretty sure he’s got a head issue, cause his was far smaller than the proportional size it should be.

I couldn’t stick around for more than 45 minutes.  I had to make up an excuse about needing to get some sleep before a sunrise service.  For those that know me….you know that I won’t be attending any sunrise service!!

Needless to say, he’s already been removed from potential suitors…deleted from the phone too.  Goodbye sir

On a positive note: One more down…who knows how many more to go!  Good mexican with my bestie!  And I received 3 new emails from potentials while I was away from my phone!  So many fishies…so little time!

Keep fishing…MRC

Survival of the Rag

Once a month there is a space in time that men dread and women transform into demons.  (Not all women….calm down ladies!)  At one point in time (a LONG time ago!!) women were segregated from the men and other women not on the rag during the time of their period.  They were quarantined to “The Red Tent.”  We don’t have to live that way anymore.  As long as we all learn to get along!

Men: There are ways of avoiding a monthly breakup and gain points at the same time!

Ladies: There are ways to keep him around for longer than one full cycle of the moon.

Yes Gentleman….I’m talking about a woman’s period.  Get over the Ewww….it’s a normal part of life.  I’ve got a few ideas and thoughts on how to survive this terrifying period….of time.  No pun intended.

Men:  There are few vital characteristics that will help you in the long run and a few tricks to put up your sleeve.  I’m going to break this down as much as I can.

• Be patient!  This shouldn’t last more than 1 week.  And there are on average 4.3 weeks in a month….so the ratio of good to bad is pretty high!
• Be understanding.  This isn’t easy for her either.  Most of the time she, honestly!, can’t control her emotions.  This is just part of the joys of womanhood!
• Have some compassion.  She doesn’t want to be a Beotch just as much as you don’t want her to be.
• Keep track of only one thing…when it’s coming!  Starting from day 1 of Aunt Flo’s visit count 28 days (roughly)….mark that date down.  And get ready!  Better to be prepared than sorry!
• Don’t talk about it!  Even though you know why she’s moody/emotional/crazy don’t say anything about it!  She’ll be much happier if you don’t say “Honey, is it that time of the month again?”  Not a good idea guys….not smart at all!!
• She’s likely going to want to rehash how her dog died last year, how someone cheated on her, how her best friend is a bitch sometimes and how her boss just doesn’t understand.  Don’t be surprised if she starts blubbering and speaking in tongues about how Noah built a house for Allie.
• Don’t be offended.  She may make stabs at you, your friends, your mommy dearest.  She has been taking over by an evil spirit.  No need to call in the priests….the demon will be gone within a week and will remain gone for roughly 3 weeks.
• Be forgiving.  Because she may get nasty with you…be forgiving.  But don’t mention this forgiveness.
• The best and most important piece is to not even mention anything that happened within the dreaded week.  It’s wise to never bring it up…just learn from it.

For your sleeves:

• Ice Cream…her favorite.
• Magazines….girlie ones…Cosmo, Glamour, People and all of the gossip ones.
• Tissues…there is likely to be a day when she’ll cry.  (Get the ones with lotion…she doesn’t want dry skin!)
• Music…There was a brilliant move by an actor in a recent movie that’s inspired this one.  Though they were FWB’s, and he wanted more….he made the leading lady and his love interest a “Period Mix” of her favorite sad love songs.  Genius!!
• Give her the remote and full control of the tv.

Ladies:  Usually stocking up on period equipment is a normal process for us.  Include a few new steps in your period prep and you may be able to salvage your relationship.

• To avoid conflict with your man…plan girl dates around this time.  This will limit the exposure you have to him and the potential for a blow up.
• Think before you speak.  Do your best to think before you open your mouth and/or type what you feel.  Don’t pick a fight when you are in this condition.
• Don’t be graphic…he doesn’t need to nor does he want to know all about Aunt Flo.

With a little prep, a kind heart and patience you can both make it through this alive!

Share your stories with me at otherfishlandlocked@gmail.com

Keep Fishing…MRC